I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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