There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
