nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
