She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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