Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
