My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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