it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
