This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
