Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
