Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
