promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
