I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
