he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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