things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
