i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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