Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
