Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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