You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone shattered a urinal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
