I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
