I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
