This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
