I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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