I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
