found the other keg... it's in the tree
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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