He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
