FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
