He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
