I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
