Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
