I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
