Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
