I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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