he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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