Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
