it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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