he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
