I can tuck mytits in my pants
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
