You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
