my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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