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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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