she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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