I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
