is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this boner is exhausting
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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