If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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