I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
