i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
