I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
