I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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