had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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