that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
