Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
