i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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