Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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