I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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