Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we're making bets on your personal life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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