An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
