I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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