i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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