"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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