i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
